Out of Controll. どうにもならない。

Good announcement here, I finally came back to Japan in safe.
A bad announcement is...I had JFK divorce, like a drama named Narita Divorce.
I was so sad to talk to my buddy about my mind...just listen to him saying something.
I need to talk to him more in a few days on a phone or something. But he becomes a great, real witch, and I am still not. He is great. I will never forget he is saying "I become a real witch." I was glad about that....but I felt something on my cheek.
いいお知らせといえば、安全に日本につきました：）
悪い知らせもあります。成田離婚ならぬ、JFK離婚をしてしまったこと。
言いたいことをぜんぜんいえないままだったんだよね。聞いているのが精一杯だったから。
もう少し話したいことがあるけれど、時間も無かったし、気力も足りてなかった。近々もう一度お話しなきゃ。ちゃんということ言い合わなければね。彼は立派な魔女になりました。でもジーンはまだ見習いです。彼はすごいよ。「僕は本物の魔女になったんだよ。」て言葉を忘れない。この言葉を一緒に喜べた。でも・・・・。

Say good bye for the buddy is the toughest thing in the world, esp, we are still in love each other... but seems no choice. No I can't admit that. I don't believe that.
好きな人にバイバイするのが一番つらいよね。お互いが好き同士ならもっとでしょう？でも・・・選択肢は見当たらなかった。信じたくないけどね。うん、信じないけどね。

The tearful flight was so long.
I was cring to death so long. I don't care people gazing me.
Who cares. I rang my buddy's cell and chat a lot with sobbing.
Buddy told me that he put something in my bag for surprise.
I found it and messed my face more than ever. Could harly talk.
Just read the card and listen to his lovely voice.
nearly 20 hours flight. I was thinking about my passed two days.
I was too sad. There are a lot of hope he brings, but too sad at that time.
涙のフライトは長かったよ。
死ぬほど泣いて。顔の水分は泣くなってｗ誰かが見てるなんて知ったことじゃない。
誰が気にするもんか。ゲートから電話してみて、スースー言いながら最後の会話して。
かばんの中にサプライズがあるよだって。
見つけて、今までよりももっと顔をメスアップさせて。もうしゃべれない。
カードを読んで、声を聞いてただけ。
長い20時間のフライト中に、前の二日間だけを思い返してた。
悲しすぎて、彼にもらった希望もいっぱいあるのに、そのときはただただ悲しすぎて。

Everything has changed in the passed two days....
この二日間で全部がかわってしまった。

I enjoyed, it was so much fun.
But I left something in there.
I am so sad.
楽しかった。充実してたよ。
でも、何か忘れ物をしてきてしまった気がする。
なんだか悲しい。



Chilly Pillow in a Bed.

I didn't know.
How it is miserable to sleep alone,
Sleep alone on a bed.
How sweet the face in a couch.
Tears, tears, and more tears.
Still not enough.
I see the face in the couch, tonight.
I saw the face right next to my face, yesterday night.
The miserable pillow is waiting for me.
Not two, but only one pillow.
I DON'T SLEEP! I CAN'T SLEEP!
Wrap myself in a cold sheet.
Push my cheek upon the warm-less pillow.
Am I fading into the darkness?
I am seeing the sweetest face in the couch again.
I DON'T SLEEP. I need to remember the heavenly face in the couch.


Shout

Standing in a line for security at an air port.
Hugging, cuddling, and weeping to hell.
I hear a chicano lady saying "why don't you understand?!" "Put the baggage over there!"
Shitty lady.
I shout "Shut the god damn mouth shit head!"
I am so upsetting.
Another chicano lady says, "Are you crying? Do you need a paper towel?"
"I am fine, thanks." I say.
Obviously, I am far from "fine."
But a sheet of paper towel cannot hold all of my deepest sorrow.
Find gate 6 in my wetty sight, holding my cell.
Hold bless a little bit, hard to do.
Fill my lungs with heap of air and push the button.
The voice is as sweet and soft as usual.
The voice tells me a surprise in my bag.
Now I shout, "I HATE YOU!"


Wall

Nice wall gives you a nice neighborhood.
Father Frost, you say so, right?
I don't need any walls. I hate walls.
I wanna break the walls.
I hate the red walls.
I wanna kick them off.
Why they need walls there?
Let's kick them off.
We don't need nice neighbors in an air port!
So I would just kick them off.
Then the shitty Chicano lady would mend it for me.
And I would shout her "Why don't you understand?!"

-GENE-